Don't be alarmed if you look out your window and see federal agents swarming around your house this evening.
According to the North American Aerospace Defense Command (NORAD) Command Center in Colorado, an individual codenamed Santa will overfly the United States in an unregistered aircraft loaded with packages.
In order to ensure your safety, the Department of Homeland Security will be sending personnel to every neighborhood in his path, to inspect whatever packages he leaves behind.
Portable scanners will also be made available to any homeowner who wishes to see Santa naked.
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